My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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