sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
