I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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