He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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