Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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