my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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