how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
