I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
