is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
