This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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