What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
