oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize