if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
