True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She told me I should be a condom model.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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