Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
