she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
