And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
