I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize