I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
