Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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