I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
