just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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