I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
