connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
