He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize