I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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