sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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