you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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