Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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