ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I can't turn off my feet"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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