Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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