Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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