I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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