There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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