Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
