i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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