My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize