my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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