actually, I'm a sock model
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The adults are the big ones right?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
