...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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