my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
