..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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