Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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