I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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