so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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