Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I cockslap morals
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
