You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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