the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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