My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
