the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
