It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
