God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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