I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
