i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
