no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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