I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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