Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize