it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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