SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
