Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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