he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
