Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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