We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
