I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
