hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
