They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize