This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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