I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
