remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
