I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
