The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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