I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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