you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize