you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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