best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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