she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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