I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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