Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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