I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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