i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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