I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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