I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
