In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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