I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
