i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
