the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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