Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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