Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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