Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
