i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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