im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
