let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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